I can remember when I was a little girl going into our hometown with my mother
and into the little stores,being asked by people we came across who were having
a conversation with my mother "WHAT"S YOUR NAME?" I don't know why
I found that or any question for that matter threatening, but I did. I remember
being asked so many times, "Cat got your tongue?" Being put on the spot
so many times when you are shy to begin with just seems to turn someone who
is already shy into someone even shyer.
Fast forward to today: I am 61 years old. I'm sure there are remnants of those
feelings I felt when being asked if the' cat's got my tongue' still there, must be
because I have vivid memories of that question, and hiding behind Mother's
skirt. But now, at least I think I can say that the cat does not have my tongue
anymore, never has.
Back then, I guess, I wasn't sure just who I was. Maybe I'm still not
exactly sure, but I think I have more of an idea who I am now than I did back
then. I was the baby of the family back then. Wouldn't remain the baby, but
was for 6 years. When you're the baby, there are those ahead of you who
are more accomplished in everything, and no one behind you that you
can be better than. For me then, I think that rather than being accomplished
, I thought it was more important to be liked. Can you say
"PEOPLE PLEASER"?
When you are a people pleaser, it can become an idol, wanting everyone to like
you. I know it did in my own life. Nothing was ever more important to me than
being liked. You'd think that being liked isn't a bad goal. . But maybe it is.
Doing everything so that you're liked is just knowing how to lie well, and looking
back on that pattern, I think maybe that being a people pleaser goes hand in hand
with becoming someone who sees God in that way, just someone else to please,
someone else whose eyes I can pull the wool over. I believed that I could be
good in God's eyes too.
So that's where my own sin patterns started. It was a comfortable pattern,
making everyone like you. Who doesn't want to be liked? It was nice being the
compliant toe headed child every mother wished to have. Sometimes I could be
that favorite child just by being there and being quiet, not complaining. I could be
seen as so sweet. So, the pattern continues without much work on my part.
Be quiet and smile. They will love you.
So then, raising our children to please us is not such a good goal after all.
